Funny Fantasies
Posted on 2004-10-05
Some nights it hardly seems worth going to bed at all. Anyone with M.E/CFS knows the consequences of sleep deprivation: lethargy, mood swings, clumsiness, dizziness, skin irritations, inability to cope, a tendency to lose persepctive, temporary memory loss and other things that I've forgotten. Sleep occupies so much of my brain space that there is little room for anything else. I can barely dress myself without mislaying my bra and discovering it, hours later, dangling from the chrome hook where the oven gloves should be!!!
Plus, lately I've been thinking about sleep constantly. In my fantasies, rather than being pleasured by an assortment of Brad, Jude or Jonny lookalikes, I am simply lying down with my eyes shut. Sleep-related garments creep into the picture: flannel pyjamas, fleecy dressing gowns; even those funky slippers that look like cartoon characters heads manage to invade my little grey cells. In my fantasies I lie on my back diagonally across the mattress, arms splayed to occupy maximum space. No room for an adult male Brad, Jude or Jonny lookalike - not even my favourite childhood monkey gets a look-in anymore.
There's one thing that the experts didn't write about though: the fact that sleep deprivation makes you say 'yes' accidently when really you meant to say 'hell no'. So today, instead of indulging in my favourite fantasy of pillows and double duvets, I'm babysitting for four children under the age of four.
Still, at least if the kids wear me out enough I might just get that elusive nights sleep that I so desperately need.....