Doubt
Posted on 2004-06-29
I don't give myself much credit. Maybe I'm afraid to.
I sometimes think that I would rather be critical of myself, that I would rather be the first one to point out my faults before someone else does it for me. There is nothing wrong in giving myself a pat on the back once in a while, and I have to admit that it feels wonderful as well as reinforces positive energy when someone else does it for you, but it seems I would rather doubt and be surprised with the good news. I would rather feel unattractive and be surprised with compliments. Just in case.....
There is so much more for me to learn, so much more that I can learn. Doubting my abilities comes second-nature to me. It's become a part of me that I don't think twice before the words I utter reveal my low self-esteem.
It's a safe place to be. And I want to be safe. I have this need to be safe. And maybe that is why I doubt myself.