It'll Be Worth It In The End
Posted on 2004-03-15
I finally got to speak to my GP about my addiction problem. To cut a long story short, between us we've agreed that I should reduce my tablets over a period of time instead of cutting them all off completely in one go. Rather than taking a sleeping tablet every night like I was before, I am now to take one every other day, and on the days that I don't take a sleeping tablet I am to take a double dose of the anti-depressant instead, as they too contain a sedative. If I can withdraw from one tablet successfully I can then spend more time and energy withdrawing from the next, then the next and so on until I'm 'in recovery'..... or that's the theory anyway.
In the meantime my doctor is going to try and sort out my therapy sessions. Kate leaves for Australia soon and my doctor is worried about what's going to happen during the transition - i.e. am I going to start ramming pills down my throat in order to cope while the NHS find me a replacement therapist???
After discussing everything with my doctor I've decided not to take any pills to help with my anxiety and panic attacks, although if they carry on for much longer I'll probably change my mind. Most of the medication available comes with some side effects and the possibility of dependency, and right now I feel I'm in a big enough pickle as it is. Besides, I'm already on medication to reduce my heart-rate which should be helping somewhat. I've decided to wait and talk to the new therapist and see what he or she suggests. Maybe the anxiety is a side affect from the drug withdrawls??? Who knows???
My doctor is referring me back to the hospital to see a gastroenterologist as well. Apparently she's only just realised that I haven't had my stomach checked for a while, and has therefore suggested that I have yet another endoscopy done. Believe me, having a camera rammed down my throat isn't exactly my idea of fun, but if it's going to help stop me feeling sick so much I guess it'll be worth it.
That's what I keep trying to tell myself - it will all be worth it in the end.