Sophie Jenkins
Posted on 2004-02-18
That's the way life works isn't it??? You never really realise what you've got until it's gone. You never know what true happiness is until you experience sadness and suffering.
They say that Time is cruel and heartless. Time never stops for no Man. There are wars, and deaths and thousands of atrocities committed every single second, but Time just goes on. Waves crash onto the beach and get reclaimed back into the vast ocean, just as we die and return to Mother Nature, the womb where we came from.
Death. It seems like everyone's been mentioning it in their diaries - its a chain reaction, one pin falls and drags down the rest along with it. By rights, out of sheer respect, the clocks should stop ticking and the world should cease to function. But like clockwork, the gears turn and it continues it's annoying ticking until the end of time.
I can't comment, I can't judge and I can't speculate. It's not up to me. Who am I to churn out words to describe what I am feeling inside??? Everything seems so insignificant. Why do we need people to die just to remind ourselves how fragile and precious our lives are??? Why do we reproach ourselves with the useless what-ifs, if-onlys and should-haves??? Why should we harp on about the past, instead of looking forward to the future???
Today I read in the local paper that a girl I used to go to school with commited suicide last week. I didn't know her really - she was a couple of years below me so I only used to see her in the canteen, in the corridors or sometimes at the bus stop in the mornings, but her death shocked me just the same.
People cut and hurt themselves intentionally. Faceless people I've never known can affect me in more ways than I can ever fathom. In the end it seems we all become mere statistics. A collective entity. We lose our individualism. Fade away and blend into the background.
I don't want to understand. I don't want to speculate. I can't understand why people are judged even in their death. I can't understand why people choose to suppress their true emotions and feelings until it's much too late. What's the use of having a mouth, when we don't use it, only to sing praises of other people when they are gone??? We never learn, do we???
Whatever caused Sophie to commit suicide, I respect her decision. Everything boils down to a choice. Some choose depression over happiness, some choose masochism over loving themselves, I choose life over death. Every waking moment of my existence is a conscious choice, and no one can tell me what to do.
- 'Your life is in your hands'
- 'You are the the master of your own fate'
Are these overused cliches, or well-worn wisdom???
I suppose for some, the allure of death is so enticing. It promises the ending of physical and emotional suffering. Ultimately, life is a choice between two alternatives - either you live or die. Unfortunately there is no in between.
Rest in peace Sophie Jenkins. May God Bless you.