Weary
Posted on 2003-09-19
She is sick of reading more misery from her pages here.
She is not a miserable person - she is positive, upbeat, friendly and maybe even a little comical in 'real' life.
But there is nowhere else for her to vent.
She would never tell anyone she knew the things that trouble her and keep her awake at night. She cares about everyone else around her too much to ever tell them the truth.
The last year has been hell.
It is times like this, pills in hand and tears falling down her cheeks onto the keyboard in front of her, that she wishes she were weaker, for if she were not so strong she could pack it all in here and vanish to somewhere new - or maybe she could take one too many pills and surrender to the ever after.
But she insists on fighting all that has occured and all that plagues her. She insists on winning and walking away from the battlefield, head held high and pride intact.
So she suffers on, most days forgetting, until something or someone reminds her of the battle she is facing; that it is still not over.
She refuses to see any outcome but victory.
But at times like this, what she wouldn't give to fall into someones arms and have them take care of her.
She is more than weary.
She is sick of it all.