Going Through The Motions
Posted on 2003-03-30
It's another one of those days where everything just feels blah.
I can't even remember half of the day. It's sad. I'm not even living, I'm just going through the motions.
My memory has been fading gradually over the last couple of years thanks to the medication and this illness. I barely noticed it in the beginning, but now, it's getting pretty severe. I don't remember faces, names, or places that I've been. I always forget where I put things and I end up tearing up my room looking for something that has been in my pocket the whole time. I don't remember facts, I don't remember things that people have told me, I don't remember things that I've read. I struggle to remember my own phone number most days. It's frustrating. I have to struggle to remember what I was doing six hours ago, and the only reason I can remember is because I'm usually doing the same thing at the same time everyday. How boring is that???
I'm just going through the motions - dragging myself around because there's nothing else that I can do.
I don't want to drag myself around any more though - I'm too heavy to lug around everywhere!!!