Getting Weaker
Posted on 2003-02-26
My muscles are getting weaker from so much time spent in bed. The only way to control my trembling hands at the moment is to clench them really tight, but then that makes my shoulders ache after a while, and as soon as I release my hands the shaking comes back again. In fact I was shaking so badly earlier on that when I went to make myself a hot drink I managed to spill boiling water everywhere. Luckily I avoided covering myself with the scalding water.
I'm also tired, and uninspired. I want to do something more with my life than just laying in bed all day. The world moves so fast and every day it's leaving me further behind. Sometimes I just stare blankly at everyone moving along on the conveyor belt of life, thinking
"Leave me here; it's okay, I want to be alone",
Then other times I want to reach my arm out and scream,
"Don't leave me here, I can't stand to be alone anymore".
I'm not sure which I want more.
I tried to speak to Mr B about his obsession with Chloe tonight too, but as soon as I mentioned her name he went over to his bag and pulled out a copy of her demo CD, while at the same time telling me that I had to listen to it as it was recorded live on Monday night and she had added some of her new material into her set.
So much for me standing up to him eh???