Solitude
Posted on 2003-02-16
I dont understand..... I try to please, I really do..... but it all seems to turn around when my true feelings are expressed.
I hate this.
I could cry..... but I've got no tears to do it with. Instead I sit here alone; not a soul who could talk to me, and not a soul that could understand. The two people that I so badly want to open up to, are the two people that I can't tell how I feel. (My Mum, because I'll only end up upsetting her with my true thoughts, and Mr B - well, he'll never completely understand until he accepts and understands my illness, but at the moment there is hope!).
So I'll sit in solitude, put my 'happy' mask on, and shush myself. If I pretend these thoughts and dark moods aren't happening, maybe everything will be ok???
No, you're right, it won't be ok will it??? No matter what I try the problems are still there. No matter how hard I pray nothing changes. I'll wake up in the morning thinking the same thoughts, and feeling the same feelings as I do today.....