It's Because Of Me
Posted on 2003-01-06
>'I just need you to tell me what's wrong. I want to make things better for you. I hate looking at your face and seeing nothing but pain and hurt. You always look so sad now, and when you are unhappy I am too. I need you to open up and tell me what's wrong. Then I can make it better for you'.
I've said this many, many times here, but if only I could turn back the clock.....
I did what she asked. Yesterday I told Mum exactly how I was feeling, and during the night I woke only to hear her crying to herself. I wanted to get up and talk to her - to make sure she was ok and give her a hug, but at the same time I figured that maybe it would be good for her to have a good cry and let her tears carry away some of the pain she was feeling.
I couldn't sleep after that. I felt better because I'd gotten everything off my chest, but in the process I managed to hurt the one person in the world that I would do anything to protect. I know that Mum is upset because of me, and knowing that is making me feel like crap.
If I had kept my thoughts and fears to myself then she wouldn't feel so bad. I could have continued writing my feelings here - she didn't need to know.
Now I just feel like I'm adding to her problems.