Nathalie Is Sick Too???
Posted on 2002-12-03
I got another e-mail from my cousin Nathalie today, but unfortunately it wasn't all good news. Here's what she wrote: (please excuse some of the grammar - Nathalie grew up and lives in France so she occassionally uses the wrong words. I think her English is very, very good though considering, but then I'm biased).
Hi Joanne,
Thank you so much for your long reply !!!
I'm really sorry you have so complicated illness problems, but you seem to deal with it quite well. I hope you're not too lonely and that you can still continue to see friends and go out a bit. I know when I was sick, that was what I missed the most. Apparently Dad hasn't told many people about what happened to me during the beginning of the year, I don't think he's very proud of it.....
At the end of the year 1999, I started having problems which were apparently linked with me becoming very very anxious for some unknown reasons. Physically I couldn't bear being in a crowd, I couldn't bear walking in the street alone, I couldn't stand taking the metro anymore, I couldn't eat in a restaurant, etc..... without feeling dizzy and I couldn't control my movements anymore. I was always afraid to fall, I couldn't swallow anymore. Well, it was really weird and very disturbing in my everyday life. At work it was terrible and my social life got smaller and smaller. I think that's why I got depressed. I went and saw a few psychiatrists/psychologists who gave me a very heavy medicinal treatment mixing antidepressant & antianxious tablets of all kinds with a lot of sleeping tablets and a lot of other kind of tablets. The problem is as I was not getting better, I started having problems with alcohol and the mix of tablets and alcohol was quite dangerous. I finally stopped work In January 2002 for 3 months to go to a special home to get better.
I went through cognitive behaviour therapy as well and through relaxing tricks but I think I was still too sick for them to work. But I believe it's a better solution than medicinal treatment, since all the medication I took really screwed me up.
In May I stopped seeing all my psychiartists/psychologists and stopped taking all the medicines I was taking, and since, I'm going much better even though I still have problems of dizziness and of feeling very unconfortable in some everyday life situations. Alison helped me a lot at that time by living with me in my flat in Paris, she was keeping watch over me for quite a few weeks. (Alison is Nathalies younger sister - my other cousin)
When Dad first told me about your problems I thought you might have the same kind of problems as I did. I really hope you'll get better quickly. I know how terrible it is to have some healthy problems most of the people do not understand.
Take care of yourself for now, and remember that I love you very, very much.
Nathalie
I am so angry. All this time no-one told me that Nathalie was so sick. Their excuse is that they didn't want me to worry as I am sick myself, but they know how close we used to be, and how we used confide in each other. We could have helped each other come to terms with our illnesses instead of feeling so isolated and alone; surely our family could have realised that??? I can't get over the fact that this has been kept from me for 3 effing years. It's making me wonder what else I'm not being told.....
Anyway, it sounds as though Nathalie is on the mend which is something. I wish I could have been there for her though. Still, we can e-mail each other again now, and I've also got the address of her flat in Paris just in case something happens and we can't e-mail each other.
I read somewhere that 'friends are the family that you get to pick.....'. I agree, but I also love the family that I have too.