Forgiven But Not Forgotten
Posted on 2002-12-02
I feel totally shattered today. I wasn't able to sleep last night as I slept so much during the day. I think I finally dropped off about 5:30am, only to be woken again at 9:15am by someone calling from bliss.com regarding an order I placed for Mr B's Christmas present.
About 11:00am I sent Becky a text message to wish her Happy Birthday as I was late mailing her card, (damn brainfog), and I didn't want her to think that'd I'd forgotten. I'm glad I did decide to text her though as she'd noted my mobile number down wrong - some poor guy/girl has been getting messages from Becky that were intended for me.
This afternoon I managed to take a slow walk to the post office at the end of my road so that I could send Melisas Christmas prezzie to her. I know it's early but I have no idea how long it's going to take for my parcel to reach her in South Carolina, USA. I also posted a note to my G.P requesting my monthly supply of medication and reminded him about the report that I need in order to claim for disability funding with the Open University. My original letter was dated 27th October, so I really should have heard from him by now. (You may remember that I was waiting to hear from my G.P as there isn't anything in black and white that says 'Jo has M.E/CFS'). Maybe one day things might run smoothly for me.....
I also got an e-mail from my cousin Nathalie which was totally unexpected. I haven't actually spoken to her for nearly 2 years as she lives in Paris. When I was working we used to e-mail each other once a week from our offices, but then when I got sick it became harder to stay in touch. I know I keep saying this but I'm so glad I decided to buy a computer for my university course. Not only have I made some great new friends, but I can now also stay in touch with old friends and family too. Well..... try to anyway.
Mr B came to see me this evening. I thought that it was about time that I told him a few home truths about the way he has been treating me lately and tell him that his actions are simply pushing me away. I doubt after Friday night that things will be the same as before. I can forgive, (although I know I probably shouldn't), but I sure as hell won't ever forget. I don't really know why I keep letting Mr B be a part of my life. He causes me so much stress and heartache, yet when I imagine not being with him I feel a lot of sadness inside. Maybe one day I'll figure it out.....