Happy Cakes
Posted on 2002-11-22
Have you ever noticed that when you're suffering everyone behaves totally the opposite of how you'd expect them to??? Maybe it's just me, but I thought people would try to take of you, ease your discomfort and 'mother' you, but it doesn't work that way. Instead everyone seems to avoid mentioning the fact that you're sick. Occasionally my friends and family even take their cues from me on how to interact each day, so instead of screaming and shouting I've tried to be the strongest one of us all..... it didn't work.
There's no guidebook for sadness or depression. No-one can tell you how to feel, and when to feel it, and there isn't a recipe for happy cakes, although I wish there was. I'd make a huge batch and give the baking instructions to every pharmaceutical company known to man. I'm sure that my cakes would be more of a success than any amount of antidepressants - and a whole lot cheaper too.
Seriously though, I'm far from healed. Like I've said before I've changed from a happy-go-lucky, active, outgoing person, into someone who frets, stresses and worries over things that are way out of my control. Sometimes I'm overcome by fear, and other times I sob over silly little things because..... well, just because. I think it's going to take a lot to get over this, and I haven't gone to therapy yet. I don't think I'm ready for it. I know that I need this treatment, and that I really should go, but I can't face the thought of sitting in a room with a complete stranger pouring out all my inner most thoughts. Maybe I should just sit him/her in front of a computer and let him/her read my diary - now there's a thought.....