Loneliness and Boredom
Posted on 2002-11-13
How am I today??? Hmmmmm that's a hard one. Physically I guess I look pretty much the same as I do every day apart from my bloodshot eyes and a few more bruises on my legs from being over tired and walking into things. Emotionally I'm having a bit of a rough time.
I think a lot of my problem right now is loneliness and boredom. I'm lonely because Mr Body Clock has gone and done a deal with Father Time, and now I'm not actually getting to bed until anywhere between 8:00am and 10:00am (although today I didn't get to bed until 12:30pm). This basically means that I'm asleep all day and awake right through the night. I haven't seen or spoken to anyone but my Mum since last Friday, nor have I left my house since then either. I know I don't exactly have what is known as a social life, but a few times a week I go to Mr B's and lay on his sofa instead of my own, just so that I'm not staring at the same four walls all day. I don't count this as going out though.
I know that there are a lot of people reading this that are more or less housebound, and for quite a few months I was too - in a way I still am. I can't go anywhere without having someone with me just in case I collapse (again) and I only go to Mr B's because he picks me up in his car. If he didn't drive he'd have to come here all the time to see me instead as there is no way I'd make it to his house in one piece.
Anyway, I'm bored, (what's there to do at 3:00am???) and fed up of this crummy illness altogether.
I want to ask my G.P if he can prescribe me something else to help me sleep but the last sleeping pills he gave me were only a little stronger than the ones I'm on now, and I almost ended up going to A & E at the hospital as I felt so awful after taking just 1 tablet. I think this will probably mean that I can't have anything stronger than I'm already on otherwise it'll affect my M.E., but I think it's might still be worth asking at least - you never know.
I'm so sick of this. I don't want to be a vampire anymore. I don't want to eat breakfast at 6:00pm, lunch about 11:00pm and dinner at 6:00am. I want to be able to talk to people without getting them out of bed in order to do so, and I want more than anything for everyone with M.E. to be well again. Sadly though I know this wont happen overnight, so I'm sorry for writing such a gloomy and depressing entry.
How about trying this to cheer yourselves up:
Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!
I hope you are all well, and you know what they say..... tomorrow's another day.
Love and Hugs to those that need them.