I'm Kicking Myself For Being So Dumb
Posted on 2002-11-10
I feel sick and disgusting and I am still extremely tired but I can't sleep, or maybe I don't want to sleep because I know that I'll wake up again feeling exactly the same as I do now???
Everytime I begin to feel slightly human again I either do something to make myself relapse, (like drink alcohol), or I get another infection such as 'flu or a chest infection. I know this time it's my fault, but this time I'm falling from a higher place than usual and it hurts so much more. Mr B isn't here to catch me either, but while I understand why he's not here it doesn't make it any easier to cope with - not that he could actually do anything..... it's just nice to have him there telling me how much he cares you know???
You can probably tell already but I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself still. I only went out Friday night because I was bored and miserable, now I'm worse than before and I'm mentally kicking my butt for being so dumb. Why did I think I could handle going out when deep down inside I still felt so awful???
I'm going to go and find a nice soft cushion to sit on!!!
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