The Hangover
Posted on 2002-11-09
Well I have to say I went and done something totally stupid last night which is why there was no update from yours truely!!!
As Mr B has gone to Australia, my cousins M and S decided that instead of sitting in feeling sorry for myself they'd take me to the pub. At first I said no, because I didn't want to feel like I do now, but the more they kept talking the more they persuaded me to change my mind.
Before I got M.E/CFS I used to go out with them nearly every weekend, but just after I got sick S also became very ill and nearly died - he had to have major surgery and was told that if he drank alcohol again it would kill him.
At first I stuck to lemonade, but the longer I was in the pub the more I wanted to drink alcohol. I kept looking around me and seeing people drinking and relaxing or having a laugh with their mates, and I began to get more and more upset - I kept remembering how I used to be before I got sick - the life and soul of the party (well that's what my mates said), and eventually I gave in and had a Jack Daniels and coke..... then another and another and before I knew it it was 11:30pm and the pub was closing. I was having too much fun and I didn't want to go home, so we ended up going to a club called Bar Flux. I ended up getting home at 4:00am and I have to admit I was more than a little drunk.
I am seriously regretting drinking so much now though. I can't stop shaking, I have a major headache, I feel sick, my eyes are bloodshot, all my muscles ache, my stomach hurts, I'm getting heart palpitations, chest pains, my breathing is bad and I feel totally exhausted. I have to say though that despite feeling so awful I had a really good time last night. My Mum asked me today if it was worth it, and I told her that I just wanted to feel 'normal' for a night, and do what most other 22 year olds do. I know that this will probably cause me to relapse, but I just wanted to forget about being sick and have a good time for a change.
I know that most of you are probably going to be wondering how I managed to go out in the first place, and to be honest I have no idea myself. I felt awful yesterday even before I went out, but I honestly had every intention of coming home early and going to bed. It was only when I began drinking alcohol that I found some hidden energy - even M and S were suprised at the change in me. One minute I was sitting there quietly listening to everyone else chatting, and looking like a right grouch, the next I was talking away, laughing and joking and trying to get M to dance with me.
I just wanted to enjoy myself for a change, but instead I have made myself feel 100 times worse. I won't be doing that again in a hurry that's for sure!!!
I hope that you are all well though, and thank you to everyone that left messages in my guestbook about my new design. I was chuffed to bits reading them once my hangover had cleared a little.
So long for now.....