Another Sleepless Night and Occupational Therapy (Part 5)
Posted on 2002-10-30
I spent most of last night awake, unable to sleep for thinking, just thinking about anything and everything. I think I finally got to sleep about 6:30am, only to be woken at 10:30am to take my medication.
Sometimes I wish that I could just turn my brain off for a while; that way I wouldn't be able to think about this stuff when I should be sleeping. It's like my brain decides at 1:00am that it's time for me to go through all the stuff thats been worrying me, bothering me, hurting me, everything. My pillow is my friend. I hug it, hold it, cry into it. I lay there with tears streaming down my face, wishing I could stop the pain, the hurt and the loneliness I feel inside.
Sometimes I even beat myself up for things that I did that day, for things that I said that I could have said better, or for things that I done which could have been done differently.
It's frustrating to not be able to shake the way I'm feeling, to not be able to wake up in the morning well rested and happy. What's worse is that I know that its my own fault, I can't place the blame on anyone else but myself for the way I feel inside.
It's my fault. Mine. ALL MINE!!!
[p.s. My Occupational Therapy appointment went well. I have been given some relaxation techniques to try out this week and I have to return on the 6th November 2002. (Note to self, remember to take your fatigue diary this time *duh*)]