Get Off My Back!!!
Posted on 2002-10-05
I got woken up today at 9:45am as my doctor phoned me. He was filling out the Disability Living Allowance forms for me, and needed to ask me some questions. It's good of him to fill them out so quickly - he only came back off his holiday yesterday so I'm sure he has plenty of work to do for other people too.
Needless to say I'm absolutely knackered. I didn't sleep too well either last night, despite being prescribed some new sleeping tablets. I only took one though as they're supposed to be stronger than the old stuff I was on, but I told my doctor they hadn't worked when I spoke to him earlier and he said that I needed to take two at a time. I'm going to give that a try tonight, so if you don't hear from me tomorrow you know I'm still sleeping them off!!!
I know it's early days, but even though I was also given a new gel to try for the candida problem I still feel sick. It does say on the information leaflet though that you can suffer with nausea as a side affect for the first few days though, so I'll persevere with it. Maybe my body needs to get used to having another new drug pumping through it. My veins must feel like a war zone the amount of 'friendly' bacteria that are fighting the bad guys.
Mr B is angry with me again, (when isn't he these days?). During the week he asked me if I wanted to stay at the flat tonight. As usual I told him that I'd see how I felt, but that was before I woke up today feeling like something the cat dragged in. I need to sleep in my own bed, and laze about in my own home. Here I'm free to do as I please and throw up when I like without feeling guilty or embarrassed, yet none of this makes sense to him. All Mr B sees is me saying that I don't want to see him tonight. He doesn't stop to think about why, or try and understand that I have to do this in order to get better. All his life his Mum and Dennis (his Step-Dad) have given him everything he has asked for, but now he's having to learn that he can't demand something and throw a strop if he doesn't like what he's being told; he still thinks that the world revolves around him.
Again I got called every name under the sun, and he said that he does everything he can to make me happy yet I'm selfish and ungrateful. Excuse my language here but:
.....BOLLOCKS!!!!!.....
How can he say that he tries everything he can to make me happy, when every time things don't go his own way he slags me off?
I guess you're probably wondering why I stay with him, and to be honest I'm not sure right now myself. When I first met Mr B things were totally different. Although I was sick I was a lot healthier then than I am now and he seemed to understand but the worse I became the less he understood.
Oh I don't know, maybe he's right, maybe I am being selfish and thinking only of myself, but is it so wrong me wanting to get better?
I've already lost my job, my friends and my independence. Is it so wrong to want to hold on to one of the few things I have left?