Mindfulness
Posted on 2005-11-22
I've been feeling a little blue lately, hence the lack of updates. Maybe it's the therapy stirring things up. Maybe I just feel weird because of my M.E/CFS. I don't know.
Regret and longing are two of my least favourite parts of life. I try to be present in the moment, as suggested by the guys at CBT, but I prefer to look forward to the future where I may be more fascinating than I am now. Or to the past, where I can replay old hurts and drive myself bloomin' crazy.
What exists in the present moment anyway??? Probably everything. All of it. The present is probably a laboratory where you cook up potions for shaping the future, and where you examine the past through a microscope and deduce that people don't usually set out to stomp on your heart - most are just as wounded and flawed as the rest of us. And through that microscope you see that you really weren't all that ridiculous, or whatever adjectives keep coming back to haunt you. You can see things for what they were and for what they are.
The present is about paying attention to it all. Mindfulness. I'm going to see if I can do that for one solid day.