Baggage
Posted on 2005-10-17
I've been doing a lot of self analysing and a lot of reflection lately, which I think is perhaps a result of the CBT sessions I'm currently taking part in. Sadly my moods have taken a bit of a nosedive recently, but I was warned that the CBT course would be an emotional roller coaster. Boy were they right!
For the past couple of weeks I've really been trying hard to pay attention to my thoughts and feelings, catching myself when I start thinking irrationally, [resulting in a panic attack]. I'm finding that a few of these negative thoughts come from my own insecurity, and in turn that can mostly be traced back to my early childhood. Now, the million-dollar question is how do I change this thinking??? I have been thinking this way pretty much all my life, and it's quite disturbing to realise what kind of baggage I've subconsciously been hauling around with me for over twenty years.
This weeks 'homework' is to complete a Psychotherapy File, so that my therapists can build up some kind of profile of my thinking patterns etc. The questions themselves are simple enough, but many appear to be 'triggers' for me, and so far I've found myself in tears every time I turn over to the next page. It's kind of creepy when I stop to think how much a simple tick in a box can tell someone else about me.
Ah well, only another 8 sessions to go..... and yes, I'm counting down the days!