Online Anniversary
Posted on 2005-08-23
I can't believe I've not updated for nine days, and that I�ve missed my 'Online Anniversary'. It's just so hard to write at the moment, yet this diary/blog/website is a part of me. A three-year part of me, you know???
Things are so different now. The past few months have brought change, upon change, upon change, and for that I'm thankful. I'm learning how to be happy. I'm like a baby taking her first steps outside; slowly, shakily, one foot after the other: eyes squinting, looking out at rays of sunshine. It's both scary, and unbelievably beautiful at the same time.
I still have my 'off' days. I have days filled with illness and sadness; days where it takes everything inside of me not to give in and stay wrapped up in my chemical cocoon where it is warm, comforting and safe. I don't know if those days will ever completely leave me, but I know that things are different now.
The biggest difference is my ability to answer the questions in my head, and sort through all my thoughts. It's not so terribly cloudy now I have help from Rach.
So now the biggest question of all is staring me in the face: what do I do with all of this, with all of the entries written before today??? Do I throw them away, or leave them as they are now, eternally frozen as tokens of my past??? Places where I turned in the darkest of times??? Places where I went when I had nowhere else to go???
Or do I push on, knowing full well that things might never be the same, or might never remain the way they are now???
I guess time will tell.