Anecdotes
Posted on 2004-03-06
There is something wrong with this head, these eyes, these thoughts; everything seems to darken inexplicably the closer I bring it to the light.
I have forgotten whatever it was that I thought was important enough to say, so I will regale you with the whimsical anecdotes of how I've fallen in every possible way.
I could tell you how I have cried every day for the past week, or how I cannot stand the thought of being alone to the point that it makes me want to tear at my skin, just claw myself apart. And I could tell you about how I can't sleep at night, or about how much I've been thinking of giving up in that permanent sort of way.
I've followed this slide about as far down as it can go, but I don't see any way back up to the surface. There is no clearly lined path back to the sunshine, back to being able to breathe, back to where I actually feel like myself in my own skin.
I can hope that tomorrow will be better, just close my eyes, cross my fingers and wish real hard, but I know better. This isn't one of those things that magically goes away. There doesn't seem to be an easy solution.
So the question is.....
How do I survive???