Prescription Addiction
Posted on 2004-03-04
I've been tearing my hair out ever since my doctor reduced the number of pills she prescribes me, and it's not hard to see why other people in similar situations turn to self harm or suicide.
I used to say I was addicted to my medication all the time, but it's only now that I don't have access to the drugs that I'm realising what true addiction is all about. I thought it would be easy to reduce my daily intake, to come off the anti-depressants, pain killers and sleeping tablets, but it's not, and it's scary.
I feel irritable all the time, my skin itches, I have horrible panic attacks and palpitations, I'm confused, suffering from insomnia, dizzyness and stomach cramps, all of which are making my M.E worse. I feel as though I'm not just letting myself down, but my family and friends too and am constantly on the verge of tears. Why wouldn't my GP listen when I told her I was worried about becoming too dependent on the drugs???
The worst panic attack by far was the one which came on last night. I kept trying to stay calm, to regulate my breathing and think of peaceful times and images but it didn't work. I tried looking for support groups on-line but all the websites I came across were American - not that I have anything against Americans, but I'd have preferred to find support a little closer to home. NHS Direct were pretty unhelpful, and I doubt the local A&E department would do much..... they sent me home with some paracetamol when I was vomiting blood once, so I'm not exactly confident that I'd get proper medical help/advice from them.
But I need help to get through this, only the one person that I could relate to is leaving to go back to Australia in less than a month, and as yet I have no idea who my new therapist is going to be. My G.P suggested I try counselling, but where would I find the money to fund private treatment??? Me and Mum are barely surviving on the pittance the government provides as it is.
You know, it really hit me last night just how addicted to these tablets I am. I already know I can't get more from my doctor, so I tried looking on-line to see how much prescription drugs would cost on the internet..... not that I could afford to buy any. Yet I know more tablets isn't the answer. Sure they would calm me down and make me feel better short term, but what would the long term concequences be??? I'm addicted now after being on the tablets for 4 years, what would I be like in another 5 years or 10 years time???
And how do you treat someone with depression who is addicted to anti-depressants, who has insomnia but is addicted to sleeping tablets, and who is in pain but who is addicted to pain killers???
I know I have friends and family who will support me, but I've never felt more alone than I do right now.....