Hiding Within The Shadows
Posted on 2003-12-01
I had an interesting conversation with Claire, my Occupational Therapist earlier today.
She said
'It's ok to let yourself be happy, you know that don't you??? You're allowed to be happy sometimes.....'
I laughed, and told her of course I knew that - but deep down inside I know that I've not let myself be happy for so long. I've grown accustomed to feeling empty and sad, and I have found a comfort in hiding within the shadows.
I may as well tape my lips together because I do not use them as I should. I feel as though I have no voice any more, no choice over what my body is going to do next, and when I do talk the words that come from my mouth aren't what I really want to say. Instead all that comes out are harmless lies which state time after time that I'm ok, when it's pretty obvious that I'm far from it.
Inside I'm silently screaming whilst my lips are forced into a half smile, the edges stretching into unfamiliar places.