Tinsy Bit Better Today
Posted on 2003-10-08
Today was therapy day with Kate, and after writing yesterdays update and talking to her today, I feel a little happier if not healthier.
By the time I'd finished talking about my week though there wasn't much of my allocated appointment time left, but before I went home Kate asked me to write down the first thing that came into my mind when I thought of my Dad. The object wasn't to sit and think carefully about what I wanted to say, I just had to write the first words that came to me. Here is what I came up with:
I glance away as if your words were going to strike me across the side of my face the moment they left your mouth, but trust me, I would rather take a slap in the face any day in exchange for the pain you've left me in 20 years down the line.
I think that in our next session Kate is going to try and analyse this sentence and try and work out where these thoughts and feelings come from, but I'm not going to see her now for a couple of weeks. She knows that the anniversary of Geoffs death is coming up, along with the 'anniversary' of me becoming ill, and she feels that I'm going to have enough on my plate without adding my Dad to the equasion.
If I do feel as though I can't cope and need to talk to her though I only have to call her and arrange an appointment - she even said that if she's fully booked throughout the day she'd either come visit me at home, or stay late so I can see her in her clinic instead. I don't know many NHS staff that'd do that!!!
I've also decided to write to AYME about becoming a SAM [severely affected member] before I bottle it, so I sent an e-mail and a letter just to make sure the application reaches the office one way or another. [Thanks Lisa for the information and advice.]
Hopefully I'll get an appointment to see my GP tomorrow. My chest is feeling rather bruised and it hurts to breathe, and usually when this happens I get prescribed antibiotics for a chest infection. It's a shame I can't just walk into the chemist and order the drugs as and when I need them..... I know my symptoms so well now I could self diagnose myself 99.9% of the time. That's not good is it???