You-Can-Do-It-If-You-Really-Want-To
Posted on 2003-07-11
I can't stop these alternating moods.....
It's like riding through this gigantic water slide where you can't see the bottom and you race downward at a million miles per second, screaming that you want to get off, yet knowing that you can't.
Much of my life has been like that giant water slide, like the spiralling helter-skelter, not really knowing where I am going but hurrying to get there anyway. And now that the stress is hacking into me like a steak knife I find that the life I created for myself has no safety brakes.
For the life of me, I want to relax, lay back, and take things one at a time, but I can't. I can't flick a 'thoughts switch' and shut my mind off to everything surrounding me.
It annoys me when people say 'you-can-do-it-if-you-really-want-to' or 'cheer up, it might never happen' - why can't 'they' see it already has??? That's why I'm in this mess!!!
The rational being within me knows that these words aren't meant maliciously, but some people don't understand that I mean it when I say I just can't stop. It's like a drug, and what's worse, the drive feeds on itself......
This week, what with all my appointments, I've reached burnout. My being is exhausted mentally and physically, but I keep on going because I simply can't stop, and I know it'll get worse before it gets better. I have to see my doctor Monday, and Kate again next Tuesday, so between now and then I need to get as much rest as possible.
If only it were as simple as that.....