In A Moment Of Weakness
Posted on 2003-06-24
I'm feeling something right now, but I'm not sure what. Depressed seems too strong a word to use, but sad doesn't seem to quite cover it. I'm somewhere in between the two. Maybe it's lack of good sleep, maybe it's the pain medication, or maybe it's the fact that I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow that has brought this on. I dont know.
I want to go for a walk, but I can't because it hurts to walk far. Not to mention I have no one to walk with and nowhere to go.
I broke down in a moment of weakness earlier. I tried to call Mr B but he wasn't at home. I was smart enough to withold my number, so he wont know that it was me who tried phoning him though. I don't want him getting the wrong idea.
I'm not sure whether to be disappointed or relieved that he was out. I'd have had no idea what to say to him if he had picked up, yet I wanted to talk to someone who knows me inside out, someone who knows everything that has happened to me in recent years so I don't have to repeat and relive my nightmares.
It's times like this that I miss having him around.
"And you cant fight the tears that aint comin', or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive....."
Lyrics from Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.