Fading Away
Posted on 2003-06-16
There is a hole inside me, and I'm desperately trying to fill it. Unfortunately nothing seems to work anymore. Not the medication, not the calm of sleep, not the comfort eating, or my writing.
Nothing.
The ache is growing, like a river flowing into the sea, and I can't build a dam fast enough to keep the torrent from sweeping me away completely.
I don't know what I want, what will make me happy..... It seems like I don't know anything these days.
I did get a small amount of satisfaction when I stepped onto my dietitians scales today though. Since my last appointment I've dropped another stone.
That can't be healthy, surely???
I'm not even doing anything different to make me lose the weight. I don't go to the gym, or do any kind of physical exercise. I can't, I'm too ill. I haven't changed my diet and I still eat 3 times a day.
To be honest it's worrying me. In total I've dropped 3 stone lately. I'm going to have to have another chat with my GP I think.
I'm fading away before my very own eyes. Maybe it's for the best.....