More Nonsense
Posted on 2003-06-01
I feel cheated. I should feel good. Things aren't as bad as they seem to be. I'm being pathetic because I don't have a real reason to be sad today.
I shouldn't want to be miserable. I'd much rather be anything but in between moods like I am at the moment.
I wish I had a reason for feeling this way..... or rather that I'd be able to find it. I know there has to be one somewhere, and maybe I could fix it, if I knew what it was.
I don't understand any of the things I think these days. In retrospect it doesn't even seem like me talking half the time. But then maybe that's because I'm not myself all the time I take mind bending drugs to help me cope with my life.
I want a reason. A purpose. A cause. I want what I know I can't have.
Something to make everything make sense, and someone to follow me from room to room with a dustpan and broom. Little pieces of me are floating everywhere, detatched, and escaping. I can't seem to keep myself in check. I need someone to gather me up and put me back together again.
Maybe it's because I understand nothing about myself???
Maybe it's because I'm tired and fed up of surviving in slow-motion???
Nothing's making sense, including these words. I know that, and I'm sorry. I'm hurting - that's all.
Not knowing why I feel this way is making me crazy..... I think.