..... And She Rambles On
Posted on 2003-05-05
I'm a walking contradiction. I'm one thing - and then only a few short hours later I'm the complete opposite.
I think too much about the little things in life, and then I don't pay attention to that which truly matters.
I'm the 'good girl' who appears to associate mostly with the innocent, good-clean-fun crowd, but who has a past that would probably make you see me in a different light if I were to write about it here.
I don't think I'm a hypocrite, for I don't claim to be someone I'm not. I am who I am, and the people that care about me enough to see past the depression and illness realise that there is more to me than meets the eye.
I know some days I think too much - I let it drive me to the point where I'm obsessed with the search for meaning and answers that are never there.
Some days I just try to enjoy life, other days I'm so embarrassed of myself..... I see all the stupid little things I still do at the age of 23, and wonder why I haven't grown up yet.
Some days I realise that everything in life has made me who I am, and that if I was a perfect person now, I'd have 60 years in utter stalemate ahead of me.
Today is one of those days. Neither good nor bad. Like everyone I have good days and bad days too. My last few entries were some of the worst I've written. I know that.
I guess this is me in my full, unabridged glory.