Therapy..... Again
Posted on 2003-04-15
Therapy didn't go as badly as I was expecting it to - it was worse.
Every time I go back I see a different psychiatrist, which to be honest is bugging the hell out of me. How can you get better if every time you return it takes 1/2 hour out of an hour session to update your psychiatrist on the reasons you are there??? I've been told that the psychiatrists are on a rota system and that all patients regardless of their illness are treated the same, but I can't help but feel that this is doing me more harm than good right now. I don't want to be on anti-depressants for the long-term future, and I don't want to keep going through the mood swings, the anger without a cause, the tears, the tantrums and the sleepless nights. I want to get better. I guess that's the NHS for you though. Maybe I'll win the lottery at the weekend and will be able to afford private treatment..... maybe then pigs might fly too!!!
Talking of anti-depressants, the psychiatrist wants to double the dose of the drug I'm on at the moment, as she feels that I am not fully accepting the break-up of my relationship with Mr B. She thinks that I am 'numb' because I'm not breaking down in tears over him every 5 minutes, and that I haven't allowed myself to grieve for my loss. She doesn't know about all the tears that I did allow to fall during all the months when I was with him. I did my grieving then - the actual break-up was really just a formality.
I can't actually take the double dose though, which is another problem of seeing a different therapist each session. Another psychiatrist suggested the same thing before Christmas, but all it did was make me feel completely spaced out. I'd stare at a wall for an hour without really seeing it, and be totally unaware of anything happening around me. I'd fall over all the time because I lost my sense of co-ordination, and I really wasn't living on this planet at all in those weeks. In the end I spoke to my GP who took me off the double dose completely. Now, if I were to see the same therapist each time they'd know about that, but instead I got one of those 'I'm the doctor, you are the patient, so you will do as I say because I know best!!!' looks.
Anyway, onto another sad story.....
My Mum works with a woman called Janet, and her sons girlfriend gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday afternoon. All seemed to be well, and this morning Janet went into work with a book full of baby photos and done the whole 'proud Grandmother' bit. About an hour later Janet got a phoncall from her husband. The baby had been rushed to hospital with a fever, and the doctors in the A & E department suspect that she has meningitis. Not a single person can understand how she caught it though. She was only born on Saturday - and shes been at home with her proud parents the whole time since. The doctor looking after the baby was going to contact the maternity department and see if they'd had any other reports of meningitis with any of the new mothers. That was the last we heard.
I feel so sorry for Joe and Claire. They should be at home cooing over their baby, taking photos and being congratulated - Claire should be resting - but instead they are facing the worst nightmare that I can imagine. Nobody thought it would turn out like this.
It's certainly made me stop and think about where my priorities lie.