And So, To Bed
Posted on 2003-03-24
Today hasn't been a good day for me.
To put it simply, I am experiencing an overwhelming sense of self loathing, and I'm not sure how to deal with it by myself.
I know that all women feel this from time to time, but all day today I've been beating myself up mentally every minute, and every second, since I first woke up.
I've been upset at myself for being unmotivated, bitchy, grouchy, whiney, and for generally being a pain in the a**e. You have no idea how much I hate admitting that but it's true. I am mad at myself for feeling all these things. It's like I can't win. I dislike myself today, but I then I dislike myself even more for disliking myself in the first place.
I also dislike myself for putting up a such a good front. I think a few of my friends can tell that something's not right, but they have no idea to what extent or what is actually bothing me. To be honest I'm not sure that I even know myself.
As I'm writing this, I'm mad at myself for not doing something more constructive with my time, but how can I when I don't even have the strength to make myself something to eat???
I think I should just go back to bed and pretend that today never happened. Things will be better in the morning..... I hope.....