I Might As Well Face It, I'm Addicted To Pills
Posted on 2003-02-08
I think I'm well and truely addicted to my sleeping tablets. I simply can't sleep without them, and now it's getting to the stage where I can't sleep with them either.
Its a strange feeling, addiction I mean. How do I know I'm addicted??? I know because when I don't take a Zopiclone at night I get this horrible panicky feeling. I get shaky and restless (although admittedly this could be the M.E/CFS). I get miserable and moody (although this could be a number of things too) and I lay in bed for hours thinking that if I could just take another little white pill everything would be ok. 2 would make me sleep, right???
I'm only supposed to take one tablet every four days, my doctor warned me that they were addictive, but I assured her I would make sure I didn't get hooked and would be sensible..... but gradually I've ended up taking them more and more frequently and now I take one every night. I tried setting myself deadlines - I'll stop after this sheet, I'll stop when I run out, I'll stop at Christmas, I'll stop for New Year..... all these deadlines have been and gone, and I'm still religiously taking my pills at night.
I'm scared though. I'm scared that one night I'll forget that I've taken one of the little magical pills though, and that I'll take another by mistake and never wake up. (A little on the drastic side you might think, but in all honesty with the amount of medication I'm on if you turned me upside down and shook me you'd hear me rattle). My memory has got really bad because of my M.E, and half the time I can't remember doing things or saying things. I resorted to writing down every time I took any medication because I kept thinking I'd missed a dose, but now I'm forgetting to write the times down too.
I'm supposed to have enough Zopiclone to last me until the end of the month and I've nearly run out already. What the hell will my doctor say???
P.S On a lighter note I got two more diary reviews back - one from Dork Reviews, the other from Alone Reviews.