Boxing Day
Posted on 2002-12-26
I wish it was still daytime so I could take a nice nap instead of going to sleep.
I hate sleeping sometimes, although I should really love it, the amount of time I spend in bed. It's funny, I always feel worse when I'm laying in bed waiting for the sleep fairies to come and take me to the land of dreams. During the day I try to focus on other things, but at night that's easier said than done. I just can't seem to switch off.
Tonight I feel like taking a few pills and some alcohol just so that I'd get a good nights sleep. It's so tempting, but knowing my luck I'd overdose or something.....
I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. My boyfriend is tearing me apart. He can't leave things alone. He has to tear me apart from the inside out. He can't stop attacking me, both verbally and emotionally.
Do you know what??? Everything I said to him about Christmas Day went straight in one ear and out the other. Now he's told me (not asked me, told me), that I am going to spend New Years Eve with him. Ummm, excuse me, but do I have any say in this??? Oh, thats right!, silly me - I forgot that I'm not allowed a mind of my own am I??? I have to do what he wants or face another attack don't I???
Well I have news for him. I'm not going to be bullied into a decision again. I don't care how many times he has a go at me, I'm not backing down this time either.
Right now I'm not sure who I'm going to spend New Years Eve with. I may just stay in bed with a few pills and a bottle of wine - but I know one thing.....
Whatever I end up doing, it'll be because I want to!
I'm hurting..... tired..... and complaining again..... so I think I'll quit now.