He's Playing Games With My Mind
Posted on 2002-10-08
I think I'm becoming a vampire! It seems ages since I last went to bed at nightime and I can't remember when I actually slept and it was dark outside. These days I seem to be passing Mum on the stairs - she's getting up for work just as I'm going to bed. It's so lonely living these hours. Everyone is sleeping when I�m awake so I don�t really chat to many people, and late night TV. is awful. I'm so pleased I got my computer when I did - the Internet has been my saviour!
I began to do my second The Open University essay today. This time the topic is 'Compare the pictures 45, 55 and 57 of the module (changing relationships). What changes in family relationships do they suggest, and why might the changes have taken place?
At first I thought that this would be pretty straightforward, but the more I wrote the harder my essay became. There are so many areas to cover, but again I have a 1000 word limit to stick to. I don't know how I'm going to cover all the necessary points in such a short piece of writing - I've never been any good at keeping things simple (you might have guessed).
I spent a long time chatting to Father Ted again today. He's been told by a psychologist that he isn't clinically depressed, even though he's thought about killing himself lots of times. He's just been told to continue with the medication, which his family doctor has prescribed. No new drugs and no referrals. Doctors eh? Apart from that slight technical hitch he's doing well. Tomorrow one of his friends is picking him up and taking him for a drive somewhere just to get him out of his house for a little while. What a good mate he's got! None of my friends would do anything like that for me. I know they all have their own lives to lead, but sometimes I feel as though I've been forgotten. Gradually even the few friends I do have have begun to call less and less. Some of my closest friends are now people that I talk to here on-line.
Mr B didn't come round today. Instead we have been invited to his Mums for dinner tomorrow night. I don't really feel up to going, plus I have my Occupation Therapy session in the afternoon, which is going to wear me out. For once can't he use his frigging head and say "no!", or understand that this OT session is going to make me hurt? Now I feel as though I have to go because he's gone and arranged everything behind my back and I don't want to let his Mum down.
I swear Mr B plays games with my emotions. He knows that I'd feel guilty not turning up tomorrow night, so he planned this meal behind my back. In a way he's literally forced me into going, and I fall for it every time.
Anyway, must get off to bed as I've got to try and get some sleep so I'm fully refreshed for the day ahead.