Feeling Down Today
Posted on 2002-09-22
I woke up really late today - as in 4:00pm late!
I still feel really sick, and I know this is gonna completely gross you out, but I really need a bath or shower. I feel like I haven't washed for weeks, but in truth it's only been a couple of days. I just haven't had the strength or the energy to bathe. Grim huh? (I promise this is not a regular occurance).
Mr B came round about 5:30pm. I'm not in the mood for company though, but of course I didn't tell him that - how could I??? I think he managed to work it out for himself that I wasn't in a very chatty mood as I just laid there snuggled up in bed with my covers wrapped right round me feeling sorry for myself. Mr B only stayed for an hour and a half.
I understand that I'm luckier than a lot of people who are sick, but at the moment I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sick of staring at the same four walls day after day, and of having my computer as my link to life. I don't ever see any of my old friends pre M.E/CFS, just my GP, my dietitian, my psychiatrist. These are my weekly trips out.
I have Mr B I know, but there's only so much time you can spend together without getting on each others nerves. What I'm missing is the 'girlie chats' with my mates. We always used to go out a couple of nights a week, either for a meal or to a nightclub and have a good gossip. Don't get me wrong, some of them call me now and then, but I feel so left out now. Ther lives are going full steam ahead, but I feel like I'm frozen in time. Every time I'm asked 'How are you?' or 'What have you been up to?' the answers are nearly always 'Same as usual' or 'Not a lot'. Then they might ask me about my progress with my doctors and stuff, but I feel that they get bored hearing about new medication I'm on and injections or blood tests I'm having done. It's as if they are only asking to be polite.
I think this the reason why I can talk freely and make new friends with the people at Immune Support and at Brainfog.They actually understand what I'm going through. We all have debilitating illnesses and we understand the need for support and friendships to help us get through this nightmare.