I Hate Being Sick
Posted on 2002-08-17
I secretly hate everything about my illness, and everything its taken away from me. I often 'get on with things', smile and laugh around others to hide my true thoughts/feelings; I don't want them to know how much I'm hurting inside.
On the outside I look like any other 22 year old female - inside is a different story. I have built up so much anger inside and I don't know how to get rid of it. Maybe this is part and parcel of being depressed??? I know I sure can cry a lot, (so much so that Mr B often calls me snotbags).
I often feel that people don't believe me when they discover that I'm ill. The response is usually "you look well enough to me" or "really, you don't seem sick". Both of these statements irritate me. Just because I'm fine the day that particular person saw me doesn't mean I'm like that 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The things most people take for granted, such as shopping trips, or going for a walk, an outing to the cinema or a quick drink in a bar are major achievements for me, and are usually made when I'm feeling on top of the world - which isn't very often at the moment!!!
After looking at my medical records and talking with my GP, the psychiatrists now believe that I have ME/CFS. Why they doubted me in the first place I will never know!!!
Anyway, my psychiatrist called me yesterday. Apparrently Dr M (who saw me last time) has discussed my treatment with her consultant, and they both feel that I would benefit from seeing a psychologist as well as having occupational therapy, (which hasn't actually begun yet).
Apparrently it will take around 2 months for the appointments to come through though, and then another 2 months before I get seen by either of the therapists, so in the meantime I'm left to suffer in silence. In my opinion the NHS (National Health Service) has a lot to answer for.