Tech Support Joke
Posted on 2003-11-20
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0. and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0, and NBA 3.6.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housework 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail.
What can I do???
Signed,
Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: C:/ "I THOUGHTYOULOVEDME" to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0.If that application works as designed Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
BUT remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly!!!
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
'Desperate' here.....
Typically lame response from tech support.
Despite initial performance, Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7 soon cease to operate and Husband 1.0 becomes increasingly sluggish and apt to acquire more bugs and glitches. There is as yet no patch for the Slob auto-default, which seems to kick in more and more for no good reason, no matter how many attempts at over-writing the program. The one-track mind subroutine tempts one to consider a radical re-format or Lobotomy 3.2.
Thus we could have learned from the history of the human race that upgrades seldom come without serious side effects and unforeseen glitches!!!
Ah well..... A firm point and click gets you to a fairly nice restaurant when you need it, which covers a mulitude of sins.
Love,
Jo