I'm Beginning To Hate ME
Posted on 2002-12-09
I hate my life more than ever before. Hang on, on second thoughts I think I just hate me.
The whole day I've slobbed about in my pj's watching t.v, eating too much, drinking too much and generally being a pain in the butt. I hate what I am becoming, yet I don't know how to stop myself from spinning out of control. I could just about be bothered to wash and brush my teeth earlier which definately isn't me at all. I wouldn't say that I was ever vain, but I did take pride in my appearance - now I don't really give a damn what I look like.
If it were you writing this I would definately say that you were depressed, and I would probably have an idea or some piece of advice, but it's not you writing here; it's me and I'm all out of ideas. Lost. I'm tired of my negative thoughts and complaints, but the depression won't go away, and no matter how hard I try to amuse myself my mind wanders off track and back on the road to self destruction.
There isn't even a particular thing that I feel like writing about at the moment. Everything in my life is exactly the same as it was 6 months ago, and any attempts to change my so called 'routine' have simply wasted energy that I haven't been able to afford to lose. I've decided that for the time being I'm not going to do anything to help myself. I might like it better that way.
The powers that be have decided that I deserve to suffer, and right now I am. I hope 'they' are happy, because I sure as hell aren't.
[p.s. For anyone that's interested the fridge freezer actually turned up on time - there are delivery fairies out there somewhere afterall :o)