Back Again
Posted on 2003-09-03
I guess you've already worked out that I'm back, otherwise I wouldn't be updating. I actually got back on Monday, but I didn't feel well enough to write until now and I've only just noticed that my cousin didn't post an entry for me like I asked him to to let you all know that I was back in hospital. (Note to self: strangle M)
If you read the update I wrote the last time I came home from hospital you'll know that I was having problems with my heart rate. My doctors changed my medication, and after a few days of being at home I began to feel really unwell, more unwell than usual, and I ended up making another trip to A & E.
Now I don't know how many of you know this, but I also have problems with my stomach in addition to the M.E. In addition to making me feel really ill, the new heart tablets must have irritated my poor belly badly, because while I was waiting in A & E I began vomiting blood. I'm used to this happening when I throw up, but one of the A & E doctors wasn't at all happy, (in fact he looked quite shocked), and decided to admit me so that my own doctor could 'investigate' the cause.
The following day I was transferred to a ward, and my own doctor did come and see me. He was concerned about the amount of blood that I was vomiting, and asked me to puke into a bowl and give it to a nurse each time I threw up so he could try and monitor the blood. (Sorry, I know this is gross, but if I don't write it you'll only have half the story). It was decided that I would need to have another endoscopy (this is where they put a camera down into your stomach) so that he could make sure that my stomach problems hadn't got any worse, or that I hadn't developed an ulcer as I was also in quite a lot of pain. I'm currently taking a high dose painkiller in tablet form anyway for my M.E but this wasn't helping the pain, so I was given pethidine, which within the first 15 minutes made me feel much better. Then my breathing became really shallow and I was told that sometimes pethidine can cause respiratory depression.
Great!!!!!
This made me panic, and think that I was about to stop breathing so my heart rate soared bringing on the palpitations and chest pain, and the lady in the next bed to me didn't help either when she started telling me about her friend who had to have an operation to remove part of her stomach as she had a tumor. This was not what I needed to hear. I was in pain, throwing up blood and convinced I was about to suffocate at any moment, but when one of the nurses tried to calm me down I ended up getting more distressed. I think the pethidine made me freak rather than helping to calm me and ease my pain.
Anyway, the earliest they could do the camera thingy was Friday, and at first they weren't going to sedate me - they were just going to give me an injection of something to relax my muscles so I wouldn't fight the tube, but I swore there was no way they were shoving a tube the size of a garden hose down my throat while I was awake and eventually I kicked up such a stink that they gave me the damn injection just to shut me up.
After a weekend of virtually no vomiting at all I was allowed home on Monday, and here I am. I'm more or less back to my 'usual' self now, although I'm still not eating properly, and my throat is sore from the tubes they used for the endoscopy. I'm not taking as many of my meds either..... well I am, but then after a while I throw up again so it's as if I'm not taking them at all, and not having those in my system is making me feel pretty pants. I'm used to living in a foggy drugged up haze, and this sudden clarity is making me want to tear my hair out. I wonder if this is how 'real' drug addicts feel???
BUT.....
.....thankfully there's nothing sinister going on with my stomach. Apparently the new medication that I was given for my heart shouldn't be given to people with stomach ulcers, but nobody realised that with my stomach problems I might react badly to them too. I guess it depends on the individual taking the tablets. I know I've become a lot more sensitive to chemicals and medication since I was diagnosed with M.E, so maybe this is another reason I had an adverse reaction. I doubt I'll ever find out the answer, but I'm going to be ok and that's all that I need to know right now.
Thank you to everyone who has left me a message, e-mailed me, or sent me a text to see how I am. You have no idea how much your words mean to me right now. And again, I'm sorry this entry is sketchy, badly written and gross in places.
Normal writing will probably resume shortly......