Just Another Thursday
Posted on 2004-03-25
In the last week my emotions have been a flood of the last few years; bunched up into this huge fat gob-stopper, and I'm being forced to swallow it, realise it, accept it, feel it, hack it and face it. Deal with what I've done with my life, knowing that I've run out of corners to runaway to.
I feel like a sponge helplessly soaking in all these thoughts and feelings that are bashing up against the insides of my skull, and frankly it has become this lull of numbingly sick sensations. There's nowhere to go to anymore.
I'm sick of the side effects from the drug withdrawls. I feel so tempted to take the damn pills just to make the anxiety, panic, headaches, insomnia etc go away, but I'm also stubborn. It's like I have an angel sitting on one shoulder and a devil on the other, both whispering to me, both giving me reasons for and against taking the pills. Sometimes during the worst attacks I could almost convince myself I'm going crazy.
I have a problem, and I hate how it seems there's only one way to fix it.