Bombshell
Posted on 2004-01-29
Quite a bit has happened since I last updated. I really should try to update more often, but at the moment I'm simply not well enough to sit in front of a computer for too long.
My doctor has decided to reduce the dosage on a couple of my tablets as she thinks I'm now addicted to them. Funny that. I've been trying to tell her that I'm depending on them way too much for the last year or so, but she was adamant that I should continue taking them because they were 'helping' me. Hmpf!!! It's only been 3 days, but I'm feeling the effects from the withdrawl already and it's not nice. Not. Nice. At. All.
I saw Kate yesterday who dropped a massive bombshell. She's moving back to Australia.
At first I didn't think about where that would leave me - I was just really happy for her. I've known for a while that she was getting extremely home sick, but she always said that once she'd been home for a month she usually couldn't wait to get back to England. I guess her recent trip home though made her realise what she was missing back in Australia - I mean all her family are there and it must be hard being on the other side of the world to them for 11 months of the year. I can completely understand her need to be closer to them.
It was only when I got home that I realised what Kate leaving is going to do to me. That sounds awfully selfish I know but I don't mean it to come across badly. It's just that it's taken me such a long time to find a therapist that I feel comfortable talking to, and she's helped me so much in such a short space of time too. I can talk to her, I trust her and I can be myself around her without feeling like she's judging me because of my past. Now I'm going to have to begin again with someone new; drag up everything that I've been trying to bury once and for all, and explain my actions and my emotions to yet another stranger. Part of me just wants to say f*ck it and not bother any more, but I know that I need to see someone in order to get better. It's times like this when I can't help but think 'why me'???
It finally snowed here too yesterday afternoon. The weather reports were saying for days that we were going to get snow, but I wasn't convinced. They always say that snow is on it's way, and nine times out of ten it never puts in an appearance so I was pretty suprised when I walked out of the hospital yesterday and hit a blizzard!!! I got a cab home as usual, [my M.E means I can't walk far anyway], and a journey that usually takes 10 minutes took over an hour and a half because the weather was so bad. I didn't mind though. It was fun watching the children having snowball fights and building snowmen in their gardens.
Mum has now registered with most of the employment agencies in town, but most of them pretty much said that they didn't think they'd be able to help her as the majority of their clients want people with computer skills, and unfortunately Mum knows virtually nothing about computers. They're still going to try and help her though which is something. It's giving her hope if nothing else, and the last couple of days she's seemed a lot happier in herself than she has been recently.
I guess we'll just have to take each day as it comes and see what happens. What else can we do???