Holding My Breath
Posted on 2003-08-25
I can't close my eyes because every time I do I feel dizzy like I'm drunk. The air becomes thin; it's hard to breathe, and all I see is midnight blue and bright white stars. Then my mind wanders to places it isn't allowed to visit, where I feel half crazy because the only word I appear to hear is goodbye.
So I hold my breath and wait to drop out of the daydream, remembering too late that I forgot to lay a cushion down to break my fall.
I'd rather sit here with my diet coke, my CD on repeat, and just stare at my computer screen in that flawless zombie-like chemical trance that my body is slowly growing accustomed to.
I'm beginning to think that feeling numb is better than feeling anything.