The Present
Posted on 2003-08-08
Mum came home from work with a present for me today. Most parents will get their children CD's or clothes, maybe a game for their playstation or maybe even a DVD. Mine gets me sleeping tablets, and you know what??? Right now I can't think of anything I'd like more.
It was 27th July that I last popped one of those little white pills, and since then I think 2 hours was the most sleep I got each night. Is it any wonder that I feel so bad at the moment???
People with M.E/CFS need rest, and without those tablets I just don't get any, it's as simple as that. Most nights I'm either in too much pain, too anxious or just too scared to sleep for fear of what awaits me in my dreams.
I've been saying for a long time that I think I'm addicted to these tablets, and the tears of joy and relief that ran down my face when Mum handed me the chemists bag further confirms my suspicions.
When I asked her how she got them she told me that she phoned my GP on Tuesday on my behalf asking if an order could be sent to the chemist for her to collect in 48 hours. It was hurting her to see me suffering and she said she couldn't bear looking at my black bags, ghostly pale face and blue lips any more. She knows that I'm trying to kick them, but right now I don't know what's worse..... going 'cold turkey' and trying to come off them completely but feeling like hell all round, or taking the tablets, getting a decent nights sleep every night, (making the M.E more bearable), and trying to combat the depression. I feel like I'm in a catch 22 situation.
Whatever I do I'm going to suffer one way or another.....