Restless
Posted on 2003-07-19
It's hard to write when your mind can't stay focused on a single topic. None of my thoughts are coherent right now, they're just random darts of nothingness.
I feel so lazy since I deferred my course. Up until that point I felt as though I was doing something constructive with my time, but as with most things I had to decide which was more important, my health or my future. My health wins every time. Without that I don't have a future do I???
I reckon I just need to find something to occupy a few hours of my day, especially since therapy started up again. It's been about two months since I gave up my course, and it's pointless me laying in bed day in day out staring at the same cracked paintwork on my ceiling. All I do then is mull things over in my mind, which in turn makes me feel worse than I did to begin with. Vicious circle anyone???
Anyway, now that I have my laptop up and running I will obviously be able to spend more time on-line, but even that begins to get tedious after a while. I'm not the 'arty' type, so painting/craftwork is out of the question, and I�ve never had much patience for knitting/needlework etc. It's sad, but lately many of my waking hours have been passed by reading crime novels or watching mind numbingly boring daytime t.v.
I've even considered saving my some of benefit money for a while so I can buy myself an old violin. Its ages since I played, but I still have all my music tucked away somewhere. Unfortunately I don't think I'd have the strength to hold the thing long enough to play a proper tune though, and besides, I'd probably sound like I did when I first learned how to play 18 years ago. Believe me, I was the worst learner you can imagine..... and then some.
I guess I'm just restless at the moment. I want to be out there doing something with my life instead of sleeping it away.