Not A Good Sign
Posted on 2003-06-30
Gazing into the mirror I see an image, but I can hardly recognise it. Just as it comes into focus it undergoes a transformation before my very eyes.
It's beginning to bare a strange resemblance to a form I am quite familiar with. It looks like me, but how can it be??? It's not my usual physical appearance but it is me, the real me, and there I am, slowly developing from a blur of colour.
Is this reality, or the product of another prescription induced hallucination???
It's as if I've stepped outside myself and am looking back in. I can't tear my eyes away. Overwhelmed by emotion I am momentarily paralysed, and the battle with myself begins.
Just like in a fairy tale the technicolour figure becomes distorted and grotesque. Colour fades from my eyes and murky grey tones rush in.
My soul writhing in pain is the cause of this. I reach out to myself, but I am out of touch.
My eyes are searching for someone to tell me they can make this all go away.
The soul lets out a scream of such suffering that the mirror begins to shatter, and as the shards fall I can't help but feel happy. Brilliant, bright streaks of light stream through the cracks and cover me with their warm glow.
Then I realise the feelings I have, have broken through the blackness of my heart and I can finally go to sleep.
This is not a good daydream to have the day before seeing your psychiatrist is it???
I have no idea what it all means, but the experience has left me feeling quite unnerved and shaky, but although I'm tired, I'm scared of closing my eyes.
Wish me luck.....