This Is Me, Today.
Posted on 2003-06-08
Have you ever wondered where you fit in, in life???
That's me today..... and yesterday, and sometimes other days before them. Lately it's all I think about.
I sit and ponder why I am here, and what I add to this miserable life I have. You know what??? I can't come up with a single thing.
I have an empty feeling in my heart and it's heavy in my chest. I don't know how to explain this darkness. It's like I live in a black hole, without a torch or lantern in sight. I can't free myself from this darkness that overtakes me.
Sometimes I feel like the only way to be rid of the pain is to shut myself off from the world. But, then aren't I doing that anyway???
I want to know why I get this way. What triggers it??? It makes me crazy when all I do is cry. This heavy, empty feeling drives me crazy. It takes over my body and my mind without warning, throwing me into turmoil before vanishing as quickly as it arrived. I'm actually beginning to wonder if my medication is making me worse instead of better.
You know what??? I silently mumble my thanks to the person who invented e-mail every day. Thanks to them I can fake a smile without people ever knowing if it's real.
That's a bad thing isn't it???