Mission Failed
Posted on 2003-05-01
The mission: To Cry
The Outcome: Mission Failed
I did squeeze out a few tears, and I tried to talk a little, but I only succeeded, in giving myself a headache. I know a lot is going on in my life right now, and I know how truely horrible I feel about it most of the time, but I can't seem to connect the two. Even if the things that have happened are causing the mental pain, I can't seem to find the link. Why am I so overwhelmed with all this shame and everything??? The physical pain I can more or less put up with, it's the emotional side that gets me every time.
Am I feeling overwhelmed, or am I overwhelmed by what I'm feeling???
Anyway, I got a mock exam paper through the post today from my University, which has just sent me into a mad panic. I can't sit writing an essay for 3 hours without a break. I can't do anything without a break, let alone sit in the same position and write solidly for 3 hours. Luckily I am allowed to do the exam at home, with an official watching over me to make sure that I don't cheat, but just the thought of the exam in October has made my heart-rate shoot up, and made me come out in a cold sweat. I'm bound to have panic attacks for months over this. You know what I'm like, I worry over everything.
In fact just sitting here typing that last paragraph has made my heart race and caused the palpitations to start again.
I need to go and lay down.