Exhausted
Posted on 2003-02-10
This is one of those times that I simply wish I didn't exist..... that I could drift in and out of life as I please..... sticking around long enough to be comfortable in my own skin and enjoy the company of my friends and family, but less than the time it takes to be remembered.
I found it hard to get out of bed today. My body is exhausted. My mind and my spirit are too - too exhausted to continue with the pretence that everything is okay. Somehow I got up though, and put one foot in front of the other and made it downstairs.
If I could have had it my way I would have stayed in my bedroom all day, but our bathroom is downstairs and there is no way that I'm going to stick a bucket in my room 'in case of emergencies'. I'd rather die than go through that humiliation (again).
I'm just so tired of 'managing'..... of being told that things will be better soon, and that I have the rest of my life ahead of me. Don't they realise that I know that??? What will it take to be okay again???
Do I even remember what okay feels like???