Times Like These
Posted on 2003-02-07
I got a letter from the council today, along with the forms I apparently needed to complete to claim DSA (Disabled Students Allowance). I'm quite impressed, I wasn't expecting to get the letter so soon - my local council isn't known for its speed or it's reliability! Anyway, inside was a leaflet on how to complete each section, and right on the front in bold was a paragraph telling you that if you have claimed via the Open University then you don't need to re-apply direct.
Why then did I get another letter from the University of Westminster telling me I needed to get approval from my Local Education Authority??? I called the LEA to find the answer, but I just got another non English speaking person who had no idea what I was talking about so I just hung up. I think I'll just go to the assessment and see what happens..... it's hardly my fault that everything has got in such a mess. Knowing my luck though I'll get assessed by someone who has no idea what M.E/CFS is and will therefore say that I'm not entitled to DSA anyway.
Last night when I went and laid down for one of my 'relaxation rests' the phone rang. I ignored it and let Mum pick up, and forgot all about it. Later though Mum reminded me about the call - it was Kelly, one of my old friends that I hadn't spoken to in over a year. Apparently she said she'd call back today, but she was never the kind of person that rang when she said she would so I wasn't counting on hearing from her for a while. Instead she suprised me and called me in her lunch break.
It was really weird at first, neither of us really knew what to say to each other, but after a while we began gossiping like we used to. Don't get me wrong, it was really good to hear from her, and to catch up on all her news, and after I hung up I was still excited over the fact that she'd called - but after a few hours I began to feel sad and jealous. I couldn't help it. So much has happened, so much has changed - not just with her, but with our friends and me too.
I began thinking about all the fun we used to have. It's times like this that I'm lonely as hell and I can't do anything about it..... I can feel the tears welling up inside of me and I fight to hold them back. I sing along to my favorite songs trying to combat the tears, but all it does is make me want to cry even more.
I feel the tears forming at the corners of my eyes and I want to shout and scream and throw a hissy fit, but all I can do is sit and let them fall on their own, because there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.